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How NOT to Communicate
I have a theory.  (Actually, it's not really a theory when you have seen something time and again in action.)

The vast majority of people on Planet Earth are good people, with good intentions.  There is a very small percentage whose intentions are more harmful than they are well-intentioned.

When someone makes one of those backhanded compliments that make you feel upset...the type of person that can never say anything nice, but always seem to bring you bad news and mean comments...Or ask you things like, "Wow, have you gained weight?", they are trying to take away some of your power and weaken you.  They are in fear of someone being more powerful than they are.  So they try their damnedest to knock you down.

The truth?  There is no reason why every person on earth can't be powerful.  There is nothing that says you have to submit to everyone else's wishes and never command your own power.

The manner in which one communicates determines how the other person is going to react.  Call up someone while screaming at them and you are probably not going to get much willingness- even if you are completely in the right about the problem.

So, what's the fail-safe remedy?  Remember that you are talking to a person.  A person, that most likely did not viciously try to screw something over for you.  And sometimes, even when you feel someone else is to blame for your problem, sometimes the problem is something you caused.  Few people want to admit that they screwed something up.  A little bit of understanding and kindness makes elbows rub better.

A truly great person can acknowledge their own faults and effect a change.

From my humble soapbox, where I have sometimes been guilty of these same faults myself...